Wednesday, 25 April 2012

The Feminist and The Misogynist

Two days ago in the depths of Chester a Feminist married a Misogynist. They met for the very first time two weeks earlier at a lamp shade convention dressed in cream-coloured shell-suits. The Feminist was a fairly good looking broad but she hated men. Whenever men hit on her she would look deep into their eyes before delivering a brutal back hand to their unsuspecting faces. The Misogynist was not good looking at all. In fact, I would go as far to say that he was a rather ugly man with an outrageous lisp. He struggled to pronounce words such as ‘motorbike’ and phrases such as ‘I adore pretty roses’.

Nevertheless, their chance meeting at the lamp shade convention came out of the deep blue. They locked eyes from afar and ran into each other’s arms. They then booked themselves into a swanky hotel and stayed up all night playing board games including the familiar classics; Kerplunk, Guess Who and Frustration. Frustration ended badly; so much so that the Feminist stabbed the Misogynist fifteen times with one of the sticks from Kerplunk. He got off with a couple of stitches.

You might say that things were not looking good after that but somehow, and no one really knows how, the infatuated odd couple worked their way past the hiccup and the Misogynist proposed standing up the next day. His marriage proposal went something along the lines of; ‘Marry me bitch’. They set a wedding day and invited all of their friends; mostly feminists and misogynists. One cannot deny that the wedding was a messy affair. Half an hour into the ceremony the best man shouted out; ‘Get back home to your ironing boards you dopey tarts.’ About five women hurled themselves across the church and chaos ensued. Still, after a few of delays the couple were married. The after party was also a scene. At least six guests are still in hospital recovering from injuries that range from third degree burns to broken arms.

After visiting their injured friends in hospital it is rumoured that the newlywed couple jetted off to Honolulu a tad angry. Some even say that they weren't on speaking terms as the plane took off after the Misogynist attempted to stick his wife in economy class while he lived it up in first class. Irrespective, what the future holds for the Feminist and the Misogynist is yet to be seen but love doesn’t last forever and when it runs out for these two keeping a safe distance is highly recommended. The divorce lawyers are already quaking in their boots.

More to follow.

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